There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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