i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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