Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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