Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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