I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Randomize
