I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
