Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
