if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
