He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
