Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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