no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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