her vagine was all disorganized.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
