Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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