He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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