Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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