Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
