I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
