i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
