I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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