If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
