IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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