My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
