Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
