There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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