Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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