Soap is not a condiment
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
