The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
