I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
