Three words: puerto rican gang bang
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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