I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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