thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
And then my night got REAL pukey
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
