You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
