I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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