My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
