there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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