god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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