It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Fuck appropriateness.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
