Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
