im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
