I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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