I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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