Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
