Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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