so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
