mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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