how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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