We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
