doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
