obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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