Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
