Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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