I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Fuck appropriateness.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
