Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
