So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize