Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Randomize
