I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
