I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize