you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
