There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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