I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
