I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
