Will you blow on my dice?
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
