I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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