Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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