Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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