I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
