the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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